Whirlpool
by XrioluluX
Summary: What happens when your best friend dates you, then break your heart and stops talking to you? Appealshipping


**this is based off of one of my best friend, Rose,'s life. ALmost exactly like her life right now.**

**finally! I wrote something Appealshipping! yay! :D**

**it's personal narritive by Dawn. May is me. rated 'T' just in case. have fun!**

**okay, I re-did this because I got three reviews that told me to break it down into more paragraphs. So I did that. Sorry about that, guys! It looked better in Word than it did here on ...I hope it's better now!**

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I look at the doll you gave me. The skitty with the bell around its neck. It still sits on my bed; I still sleep with it every night. Did I ever tell you? I named it after you. I probably told you that. Yeah, now that I think about it, I named it right when you gave it to me. I hugged it and kissed it and showed my appreciation. Then I hugged you and kissed you. Do you remember that? Do you remember those little details that I remember? I can look at any picture of us and tell anyone exactly what happened that day. Like with the two pictures that are still tucked in the corner of my mirror. The first one is of you and me at a water park. We're standing next to each other, your arm around my waist, while I lick a vanilla soft serve cone. I was in my blue two-piece bathing suit and you were in your green one-piece. May took that picture. She was there with Drew. I remember that you didn't want to go at first because you thought we would feel out of place. Being two girls, going with a boy and a girl. But I talked you into it. May and Drew both knew about us, and were both fine with it. So you went in the end. You were glad you went; we had a great time. The second picture is of you and me at your house. We were on your couch. The lights were out; there were just a few candles that were lighting the room. I was laying down on the couch and you were kneeling over me. You kissed me right when the camera flashed. Right when it captured the beautiful moment. Whenever I look at it, I feel like crying. I used to cry every time I saw it. But I've grown stronger. That's why the picture is behind the water park one. I can't bear to look at it every day. It makes me too sad. I can't take it.

It seems like everywhere I go there is evidence of you. It all reminds me of what used to be. Like he shirt we tie-dyed that's still in my drawer. The postcard you sent me when you had to go on vacation with your family that's still on my bulletin board. My couch and TV, because we use to watch a movie every week. Every time I walk downstairs, every time I watch my TV, you haunt me. I can't escape you. You're everywhere I go. Maybe if I called you, maybe if you heard my voice one more time, you would remember why you loved me, and come back. No, you never loved me. That was part of the reason you left me. Because you weren't ready for love. You weren't ready for it. That doesn't seem like you. Not at all. You used to casually tell you loved me when we were just friends. Back when we were just friends. Every time you saw me you would say "love ya, Dawn!" Sometimes you would even give me a hug. Why can't we go back to that? Why can't we be friends again? That would be better than this. Anything would be better than this. Do you know how broken I am? Do you know how much this is tearing me apart? Do you even care about how much you've hurt me? If you saw my crying face would you feel sympathy? Or would you just turn away and leave me in my misery? Too many questions…too many things unanswered in my mind. Too many ends untied.

Sometimes I feel like I'm insane. I feel like I need you; like I need to talk to you again. Even if I just talked to you one last time, maybe things would get better for me. If I just told you how much I love you…. Wait. No. I can't do that. You would just tell me you're not ready and stop talking to me all over again. I thought I could be myself around you. I thought you liked me for who I was. After all of that, I thought you were really right for me. Was I wrong? I don't want to be wrong. I can't seem to get over you. After all this time, I still can't get over you. That must mean something. I mean, it can't just mean _nothing_. My love can't mean nothing. Can it? It must be strong, to be able to continue to burn after all this time. I've loved you since I first met you. I've felt something all that time. All through our friendship and our relationships. When you asked me out, then I turned you down a few days later because I thought you didn't actually like me. You didn't hate me after that. We were still friends. We still hung on. Even through all the pain I felt after that happened, I still hid it well and pretended to be happy when I was around you. I even put that act on around my friends. Eventually I accepted that there wasn't going to be a relationship between us. I learned to live with it. I learned to live with the pain and push it aside while I lived my life. But, one day, April 24th to be exact, you asked me out. Life sped up after then. I no longer had to hide my feelings from you. The pain I used to feel every night went away. This went on for a decent amount of time. We had a strong relationship. That's why I felt comfortable enough to tell you the truth. I told you I loved you. You didn't say it back. You gave me a stupid excuse that I was ignorant enough to believe at the time. "I'm not going to say it back because then it wont make it as special when I do say it." Then you left. You gave me a quick peck on the forehead then just walked out. I was a little hurt, but nothing like I am now. No, I didn't think this would ever happen. Even when Misty told me that you were going to break up with me. She said she heard it from May who heard it from you herself. How long were you planning on breaking my heart? How many people did you tell? Did everyone know, and just hide it from me? After it happened, May apologized over and over again, but it helped me that I knew ahead of time. It didn't hurt as much as it would've if I didn't know. I guess I had time to prepare myself. I was prepared for the worst. I was prepared for total hatred from you. You called my cell phone. I picked it up. We talked about something pointless for a few moments before you just told me it wasn't working. Then you said 'bye, Dawn' and hung up before I even had a chance to process it in my mind. It all happened so fast. Then you stopped talking to me. You just ignored me. I felt so alone.

It seemed as if all my friends had just left me. The only one left was May. I was a total jerk to her while I was dating you, because I felt like I didn't need her. I felt like I only needed you. Then she was left to pick up the pieces after you left. I feel as if I've been left in the cold while I watch everyone walk into the warmth. No one cares about me. Not even Kenny. He didn't know about any of this. But he asked me out anyway. He barely knew me, he barely knew anything. I turned him down, of course. I told him I loved someone else. But I couldn't tell him who I loved. I couldn't bring myself to say it after all this time. But I know it's true. I know I still love you. No matter how many times I tell myself I'm over you. No matter how many times I've tried to convince myself I've moved on. You're still there, still reminding me of who I am, and who I used to be. I can't seem to forget you. I can't let go of you.

My Confirmation party is next month. I sent you an invitation. I wonder if you got it yet. I invited everyone that's important to me. So that includes you. I shouldn't have invited you. You probably won't come. You probably won't even send anything saying you can't come. You will just throw it away and forget about it. How can I be happy at the party that's celebrating who I am if I feel alone, without you there? My life is slowly getting worse as it goes on. Why must this happen to me? Why can't it happen to someone else?

I miss you. I miss having you with me. I miss going out to dinner or to you're house. I miss playing video games and watching movies with you. I miss walking to the ice cream store near me and fighting with you over who would pay. I miss everything about you. I miss running my fingers through your short hair. I miss staring into your dark eyes. I miss…everything. I remember how happy I was when I saw your name on my Instant Message list. That meant that you unblocked me. But I still haven't worked up the courage to talk to you. Every time I see you're name there, I think about what would happen if I just click on it and type "hi". Would you say 'hi' back? Would you say nothing? Probably that second one. You never say anything to me. Why would that suddenly change? I imagine the day that you talk to me. I imagine the day that you apologize and we become friends again. I picture it all in my head. I know exactly how it would happen. But those are just dreams. Fantasies. Wishes. Things that will never come true. I know that. I know that well. You're not coming back. You're not rethinking this. You don't care. You don't care about the tears I cry for you every night. You don't care about the torture you're putting me through. I'm just a girl to you. I don't matter. You probably have a new girlfriend. One that's much better. One that loves you as much as I do. You're a great person; I can see why she would love you. I can see why anyone would love you. But not me. No one loves me.

No one cares about me.

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**I listened to Evanescence's CD, Fallen, while writing this. It really got me into the mood. Rose thought it was really good. Tell me what you think by clicking the reveiw button! :D oh...and one more thing. THIS IS A ONESHOT. THAT MEANS THERE IS NO UPDATE COMING. thank you.**

**the only thing I MAY do is re-write it in Zoey's point of veiw, because that was sugested by one of my readers. That's a good idea. If I get bored enough I will. Thank you for that suggestion!**


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